i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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