i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize