So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize