if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't notice because vodka
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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