I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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