i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So squirting runs in the family.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize