fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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