my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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