Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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