i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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