she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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