Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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