I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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