actually, I'm a sock model
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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