Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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