Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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