Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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