my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
please don't ironically join a cult
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