totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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