I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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