I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me I talked like a deaf person
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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