Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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