just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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