please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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