Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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