Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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