Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize