sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize