she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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