My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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