where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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