You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They took my balls.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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