I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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