Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize