you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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