I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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