I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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