You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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