So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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