Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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