I got chris browned last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize