When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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