we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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