I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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