Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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