I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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