Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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