ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think i have two assholes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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