My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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