You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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